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Headlines = Laughter Lines (Silly News)

Look, it's too cold to skate so I need hilarity when I can get it. Here are some headlines that conjure up some funny images, taken from Atlanta's 11alive.com "Dude, What?" section:
Wookie Impersonator Arrested for Battery
Gambler Gives Birth on Casino Floor
That begs a poker term. Suggestions, please.
Wis. Police Chief Tickets Himself $235
And from Yahoo! UK's oddly enough section:
Missing for 25 years after getting on wrong bus
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Comments
Sad Story of Lost Woman, plus Giving Wookie a Bad Name
I found the story of the lost woman especially sad, while still funny in other ways, amazing in other ways. Mostly sad how someone would not get help, if she sought it, and manage to get back to where she once belonged.
I know Wookies are not highly developed in gentility, but that Wookie dude needs to get on some manners or some other Wookie needs to get down there to represent Chewie a bit better. I'm surprised the lawyers aren't out there delivering cease and desist letters!